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Christmas concert

on December 21, 2012

Tonight it the the big night. It’s the christmas concert for N. she has been singing snipits of the songs for weeks . She has been giving me updates on when they practiced and what new songs they have learned. She was excited and I well I was as nervous as heck .
I was nervous due to the last concert that happend when she was in junior kidergarten. It started off with meltdowns at home after it had been such a long time since she had had one. She was regressing horribly to the point that I started looking for all the possible reasons . Nothing had changed at home , nothing to warrent this . Grasping at straws i was desperate to have my little girl back . The anxiety and fear in her was horrible to watch . The only thing that i could think of is that something could be happening at school.
I mentioned to the teacher that her behaviour was off the teacher had mentioned that she had seen a few outburst but nothing unusual .
I knew it had to be more then that . The day of the concert came and N was excited . She filed on to the stage with the rest of her class. And then it happened , they shut the lights off and put on the spot lights. Her face went from happy to terrified, her fingers went instanly in her mouth and a meltdown was on the verge. They sang their song and N looked like she was about to drop and start schreeching right then and there. She managed to keppmit together
She was fine when we got home, but we had another concert again that night so I decided to talk her through the show again and see. While talking to her she seemed ok and said that she wanted to do the concert again . So we returned that night to do the concert again .
The same thing happened agian . The lights went out , spot lights went on , , eyes went big and fingers went back into the mouth, her whole body was doing and impatient jittery dance. The song ended and they started to file off the stage and N started in full out screech mode . I had to carry her from the back of the stage out to our vehicle . She screeched none stop the whole way home. Needless to say i ended up keeping her home
I slso made a point of going into the school to talk to her educational assistant. It was then that I discovered that they had been taking time out of the day when ever they could to practice for this concert. And sure enough once her schedule went back to normal my little girl came back
During the past weeks we have been talking wbout the concert trying to prepare her for what is coming . Bt this last week the meltdowns started all over again . Mass freak out over tiny little things , this time i was prepapred. Once she calmed down i was able to ask her what she did that day and when she said the had gone to practice we talked about it . She seemed ok as long as she knew what was coming .
so even tonight on the way to the concert we talked abouts the songs she was going to sing . She was so excited about it. She said she couldn’t wait to see her friends. Still i had my heart in my throat as well pulled in .
Big breath in . Let’s do this i thought
We walked in to her classroom and all her friends said hi . I briefly talked to the teacher about her hands in her mouth and the “escape” plan just in case .
Then I left hoping for the best, waiting for the worst . Sitting with dearest hubby, as close to the front as possible i braced my self. The students all filed in singing , from the oldest grade to the youngest. Finally she came. She marched herself in singing as loud as possible. She smiled and waved. She was happy . I breathed a tiny sigh of relief
During the whole concert she mouthed to me that she loved me . She participated, she dance and sang her little heart out , she was so funny to watch. She smiled at anyone who pointed a camera in her direction . She even stuck her toungue out for a picture. She winked at me and her teacher every couple of minutes. She was in her own element and it was a beautiful thing to watch.
When it was all over my heart overflowed with pride and love . She did it . My little girl did it and did it well. She exceeded any expectations and conquered any fears that i may have had for her.Not only tonight did she conqure her fears , she showed he how far she has come Tonight I am one proud momma and one who can breathe a sigh of relief.

TTFN
E

P.s if anyone has any questions or would like me to post about something let me know

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